It is an understood risk: the decision to be vulnerable. And it’s funny in what ways we can be vulnerable. I might have a hobby I’m really sensitive about, while another person could be sensitive about their profession or something similar.

To get close to others, simply out of necessity, we must be vulnerable and share those things that we are scared to.

36 Questions to Love?

There was an experiment done in 1997 in which Dr. Arthur Aron put a female and a male volunteer in a lab. The two participants were strangers to one another and had no contact previous to being in the room. They were directed to sit across from one another at a small table, to ask each other 36 different, personal questions, and to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes without breaking eye contact.

The entire process took about 45 minutes and was intended to measure the interpersonal closeness the questions and eye contact would engender in the participants. The set of questions included innocuous questions such as “Would you like to be famous? In what way?” and personal questions such as “ thaimaalainen tilaa morsiamet What is your most treasured memory?”

Obviously correlation isn’t causation, and the two people definitely had to go through additional experiences in order to decide to get married, but it is worthwhile to note that a deep level of vulnerability helped to jump-start their relationship.

My instinct, when faced with questions that would render me vulnerable, is to withdraw and distract. To answer the question with one of my own or to redirect the question back at the questioner. But that tactic certainly can’t and won’t help me.

Just like Ms. Frizzle said on The Magic School Bus, “It’s time to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!”

Or, in other words, it’s time to unlock the padlock I keep around my heart and open myself up to new relationships and new loves. It’s time to tell people that I watch America’s Next Top Model and, yes, I do happen to play video games for fun. I sing in the car and in the shower, and I quote movies and shows all the time.

I might get hurt, but that isn’t an excuse to throw in the towel! I believe in myself. I can do this.

Final Thoughts

Alright, I made it! Two weeks using Tinder, and I didn’t spontaneously combust. So I think I can say I succeeded (tongue-in-cheek here). Looking back over this experience, I can confidently say I’m happy that I decided to not only try Tinder but also write about it. Writing always helps me sort out my thoughts, and Tinder was a great way to learn about myself.

Things I Learned About Tinder

• The types of people on Tinder (at least here, within twenty miles of me) vary! You have tall people, short people, religious people, non-religious people, people who are looking for a hookup, people who aren’t, blondes, brunettes, students, and professionals. Basically, all types!
• Tinder is great for starting conversations and getting to know people in a low-pressure environment.
• Tinder is easy to use and integrates with your Facebook so you can see common connections with the other people on the app, which is handy.
• The messaging app in Tinder allows you to end conversations with people who are offensive to you or whom you don’t have a connection with.
• Creating a simple, clean profile is probably your best asset to find people who are like you and want the same things you want. Putting up a few nice pictures (at least one of just you), and creating a short bio about you and your interests goes a long way to narrowing the field of candidates (sidenote: Not hookups parenthetical = win).